Every family's desire is the same: to provide their loved one with the best possible quality of life possible. It's easy to forget this aim if a family disagrees. If you're going through a rough patch, know that you're not alone.

In many people's minds, childhood memories are universal, and as such, you and your siblings should be on the same page at all times. Even within the same family and with the same parents, each person might have a unique upbringing. Despite the fact that childhood experiences may be similar, the remembrance of specific memories and the formation of basic values and ideas can be dramatically different. In the end, these ideas and values influence how we make decisions regarding the quality of life for ourselves and those we care about most.

A long period of time would be great for you and your siblings to hash out the details of how to pay for and care for your mother. However, for many families, this is just not the case. Crisis or transition situations often occur sooner than intended, necessitating hasty decision-making.

In this situation, how do you know what decisions to make? To begin, speak with your mother. Assuring that she can express her preferences and that she is participating in her own care will assist her family understand her wishes. Determine if any advanced care planning documentation have already been prepared. A durable power of attorney, an advanced health care directive, a trust, or a will are all examples of this. Documenting your mother's wishes in advance can be useful even if she is unable to express them verbally right now.

Next, arrange a get-together with your family members. Because of busy schedules, it may be tempting to forego this step in favor of texting or making spontaneous phone calls. Allowing time to contemplate and deliberately prepare is critical, though. Make a list of the issues and questions that each of your siblings has in mind before the family meeting. Keep in mind that this is just a starting point when appointing a notetaker. Establishing an end time so that participants don't become emotionally exhausted and outlining ground rules to encourage equal participation are just some of the ways to ensure a good meeting. Additionally, I encourage organizing numerous follow-up sessions so that you don't feel pressured in making these critical decisions. Every meeting should end with a list of action items and a date for the next one.

There will be division and conquest after the meeting is over. Make each person responsible for completing one of the action items and divide the work burden evenly. This fosters a sense of teamwork and shared accountability. Continue to meet regularly to plan for both current and future decisions. It's impractical to expect unanimous agreement on every decision, but working together in the long term will help keep lines of communication open so that problems can be addressed when they arise.

If you are still unable to come to an agreement, it may be in your best interest to consult a mediator. Mediation provides structure and assistance when the discussion is not moving forward. Set ground rules to ensure that everyone is comfortable sharing their ideas, and establish ways for resolving any future conflict, as well.